


Wolfstar, from Sirius to Lupin

by diamen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marauders Era - Fandom
Genre: Fluff, HarryPotter - Freeform, Letter, M/M, Remus - Freeform, Sirius - Freeform, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:42:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28073403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diamen/pseuds/diamen
Summary: I guess this would be a letter from Sirius to Remus. Hope you enjoy it! :)
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Wolfstar, from Sirius to Lupin

When you look back at your childhood, what do you see, and how do you feel about what you see? A very close friend of mine asked me this once, and it really got me thinking. I am yet to give him my answer so I guess this will be my way of telling him about my past.  
I guess you couldn’t really say my childhood was… perfect, but it wasn’t all that bad. Sure, I was born into a family that later stood against everything I believe in and I had no comfort in my so-called “home”, but I was fine, mostly. I didn’t really realize how bad it was before I started school. Of course, I knew I didn’t like it, I felt pain when I was yelled at or hit, but I thought that was a part of growing up, something all children went through. I didn’t’ want to be the one who couldn’t take it.  
My brother, Regulus, always seemed so great under all the pressure, and there was even more pressure on him as they had given up on me a long time ago. Regulus was like two different people. When he was around our parents, he was formal and strict, but when he would come into my room at night, he wanted to play and have fun. I always felt pressure to be someone he could look up to, but truth is, I looked up to him. He had such a great solution to everything. One night he even told him that the sorting hat was planning on putting him in Hufflepuff, but he begged and begged until the hat let him slip. He told the hat he was a Black, and he had gotten put in Slytherin. Why didn’t I do that? I guess I would’ve regretted it pretty quickly. After all, I ended up making the greatest friends in my own house. I felt it didn’t matter what my parents thought. I was almost old enough to move out anyways. Me and James Potter had gone through it many times. I’d move in with him the moment I turned 17.  
And I did. My last day in my parents' house I packed everything I owned, only leaving what I wouldn’t need. I knew I should’ve left a note for Regulus, but I was scared my parents would find it and come get me. That was the last time I ever saw Regulus and the next I heard of him was the news of his death. I was broken. But I had told my friends Regulus never meant anything to me and if I let my grief show, I’d have to open up. The next time I heard his name, it was Kreacher, our house-elf. I guess he was more Regulus’ house-elf. I never liked Kreacher. He praised and obeyed Regulus as if he was a god, but me, I was invisible to him. Kreacher told me Regulus died a hero, sacrificing his life to take down the dark lord. He wanted me to know that Regulus wasn’t bad, that he was all good. Now Kreacher was known for adding on a little to the story and I wasn’t sure I believed him, but I sure wanted to.  
When I first sat on the train to Hogwarts, I was afraid no one would ever want to be my friend, but there he was, James. He sat down in the same compartment as me the second the train left the station. “Hi, I’m James,” He said. I still remember this moment to this day. He was my first ever friend, away from my old owl that my father broke the neck off when I was 5. I was suspicious towards him at first, I thought it was all a set-up, a big prank. Bur James stood by my side till the day he died. I met my second friend on the train as well. Remus Lupin. A small boy with blonde, fluffy hair and adorable eyes. That was truly the first thing I thought of him, adorable. When he sat down beside me, I got a better look at him and I was surprised, almost amazed. The number of scars that the boy had in his face was unbelievable. I was thinking I had maybe found someone with about as much trauma as me.  
There we sat. Three boys on a train. One looking clean and happy, two looking like complete wrecks. James didn’t seem to mind our looks though, he didn’t even comment. Remus changed a lot over the years. He grew taller and some scars faded. We would always try different spells on his face to get them gone, but never found any. I and James had completely different reactions when we figured out he was a werewolf. James got scared and worried, I thought it was badass, cool, Remus agreed with James.  
When I look back, I’m amazed at how many years it took me to realize who my first love was. I would say I was in love with Marlene McKinnon, but I could never see myself with her. Maybe if she cut her hair, grew taller, got a few scars, maybe if she had been Remus. I thought I was so interested because he was a werewolf. I thought I cared for him because he was my friend, and that’s what friends do, but I never cared for James the same way.  
James was amazing with girls, many girls asked him out to dances, but he always said no. He only wanted Lily. Sure, I got a few girls as well, I was, and still am, incredibly good looking, but I never even knew half of them existed. Just like James, I only had eyes for one person, I just didn’t realize. One time we were playing truth or dare in the common room with James, Peter and Remus. In case you didn’t know. If you’re dared to do or say something in wizarding truth or dare, you must do it. It’s like an unbreakable vow, you just don’t die. James dared me to kiss Remus. I think now he might’ve had an idea, but then I was shocked.  
“What?! But he’s a dude!” I said.  
“C’mon, it’s just a dare, Padfoot,” James said. I gave in, I kissed him. It was not the first kiss I’d ever had, but it was the first I’d ever had with a boy. And this, I must say, felt a lot more right than all those girls I’d kissed in the library. I was mesmerized. Why had no one told me kissing boys was this fun? I’m not sure for how long exactly we were kissing, but I remember James being the one bringing us apart. Remus was blushing when we were done, so was probably I, but I can’t see myself. Later that night, we “practised” for when we were going to kiss a girl. I knew I didn’t need any practice; I was quite skilled in this area if I could say so myself, but I did it so Remus could practise. We practised a lot after that by the way, sometimes even out in the common room, or corridors. We never made anything official, not even between us two. I guess people just caught on after a while.  
Remus was my first and last love. He was the only person to ever have a genuine conversation with me, and he got to have them more than once. We both lived pretty problematic lives, but this also meant we understood each other. James wouldn’t stand a chance against any of the things we had been through. Remus helped me find myself. Not only my sexuality but Sirius, a little person trapped underneath years of trauma. He helped me soften up, be more accepting of my past. Helped me cope with things I still wasn’t over, like Regulus’ death when that time came.  
I am forever grateful for my friends. And my boyfriend, who once asked me:  
“When you look back at your childhood, what do you see, and how do you feel about what you see”  
Here’s your answer Remus.  
Love, Sirius.


End file.
